Category: Confidence

Children Therapy Confidence Livestrong Mental Reps • By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

3 Habits to Embrace That Teach Your Kids How to Think (Not What to Think)

I have these moments. I used to freeze when they happened. One of my children would say something and I would realize that they think something – something that I don’t.

The first time this happened, I was shocked. How did that idea get in there? Now it happens pretty often, and I don’t freeze too much. The truth is that I often find these times really enjoyable.

As parents, we want to protect our little ones. We teach them what to eat, what they should not put into electrical sockets, and, yes, what to think. I used to joke that I had a list of about 1,000 things that I wanted my daughters to believe. As time passes, I still hope that they believe some crucial things. This number of ideas has decreased to something like five or ten principles. Your sons and my daughters are (eventually) beyond our command.

As my children have grown, I’ve noticed that it’s more important that they understand how to think, more than what to think. If they don’t know how to think, no idea in their mind, however much you affirm it, is safe because they don’t know why they believe what they believe.

Also, I have resigned myself to the fact that I am not going to be able to teach them everything that they need to know. They are going to have to learn a lot of important stuff on their own. Because of this, we need to put a premium on how to think.

Here are a few family habits that you can establish to encourage your children to learn how to think:

Habit 1: Be an Example of Continual Learning and Thinking

I have a picture of my daughters on my phone screen. It is a beautiful picture. Recently, someone said, “Wow. Their mom must be beautiful.” (She is.) I think that they were poking fun at me, but there was a point: children will eventually be like their parents…even when they try not to.

This principle is not just about physical appearance; it carries over into their habits of thought. As a parent, you can be an example to them of thinking critically. Practice this by talking and examining with your spouse and children over things that happen in your family, in your community, and in our culture. Be careful to consider age appropriateness, but if you have children in high school, you need to be discussing politics, gender and sexuality, money, and relationships. If you aren’t, know that the culture is. Let them see that you think deeply. Don’t just tell them what to think.

This might lead to both uncomfortable and blessed moments. Give them permission to challenge your thinking. Of course, we want them to be respectful, but even if it is messy, it is better to have them thinking, asking questions, and challenging ideas than having them be compliant but mentally careless.

This can be tough—particularly if you have younger children because it can confuse them to see an older brother or sister “talk back” to you. Often, when our kids were younger, we let the younger ones leave the table before we talked about serious matters. This gives older children time to speak their mind. Also, it points out the importance of valuing time to eat together. The dinner table should not be an idol, but it should be a priority because that is often where thinking and debate happen.

Habit 2: Start Conversations, Don’t Shut Them Down

When your children are small, work with them to learn basic things by memory. In Christianity, there is a pattern of teaching scripture memory or catechizing children and new believers. Catechizing is just teaching people a series of questions and answers that help new Christians understand the basic facts about the faith. Now, with kids, this can lead to hilarious stories. Once, we had a young child recite the Lord’s Prayer to our Minister using these words:

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be MY name,
MY kingdom come,
MY will be done on earth as it is in Heaven…

Memorization is about teaching children WHAT to think and that is great for young kids (just remember to make sure that they get their “MYs” and “THYs” straight!). Too often, however, parents just keep catechizing children as they get older. It sounds something like this:

Parent (to child): So what do think about capital punishment?
Child: I think it should be banned.
Parent: No, we believe that people who commit murder should be put to death.
Child: Oh, OK.

Don’t do this. Your job, as a parent trying to encourage your child to think, is not to shut down conversation by giving your child the right answer (or the one you believe), but instead encourage them to engage the question by asking them why they believe what they believe. That conversation is much more profitable and actually helps parent and child build a deeper relationship. As your child grows into their adolescent and teen years, that conversation might look more like this:

Parent (to child): So what do think about capital punishment?
Child: I think it should be banned.
Parent: Why do you think it should be banned?
Child: I don’t think that the legal system gives enough protection to poor people charged with murder, so I’m worried that we might be putting innocent people to death. Until we can be sure that we’re not killing the innocent then I don’t think we’re wise enough to use this punishment.

That conversation is headed in a great direction. Many other questions can and should ensue. It will help a parent and older child to think about why they believe what they believe and it will cause them to think. It will also give the parent an insight into how their child thinks.

Habit 3: Require and Encourage Breadth in Media

The media, books, movies, and television bombard us with ideas. Parents should, of course, limit and curate the time and content spent in all these areas (for themselves and their children). Too often parents fall into the cave-like echo chambers vying for control in our culture. Parents want their children to join them in these monolithic thought patterns. None of this leads to critical thinking. Our opponents can teach us to think, but only if we will listen to them, take their arguments seriously, and answer them respectfully (because even the most reckless opponent bears the image of God).

Make sure that your child has a media diet that is not monochromatic (again, especially as they get older and move beyond those formative early elementary years). If you have adequately helped develop a strong foundation of their faith and beliefs when they are young, then it’s time to trust them to put that faith to work.

They should have friends that don’t think exactly like them. They should read books that challenge their thinking. They should listen to podcasts and music that stretch their minds and tastes. They should hear people advocating ideas that are hostile to what your family holds dear. I am advocating this not because I want them to abandon what you hold dear, but instead I want them to be challenged to think so that they can hold true to what is true, good, and beautiful.

We might like to think of our children as precious china to be carefully wrapped and placed on a high shelf, away from the possibility of being chipped or cracked. God, however, placed them and us in a world of collisions and contention. We cannot keep them safe by wrapping them up and putting them far from conflict. We must teach them to think. In the end, the ability to think—to think clearly and critically about ideas—is a herald of their ability to cling to what is good with conviction and courage.

Confidence Livestrong Mental Reps Self-improvement By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

Awaken and become your strongest self

New Year’s resolutions aren’t particularly effective–in fact, most people give them up by mid-January. The reason resolutions fail is because people set big goals to change their lives without working on the mental strength they’ll need to succeed #mentalreps.

So this year, as the resolution you set on December 31st falls by the wayside, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, take a step back and commit to building the mental muscle you need to achieve your goals.

Here are five things you can start doing now to make yourself mentally stronger this year:

1. Practice labeling your emotions.

Putting a name to your feelings decreases their intensity. So whether you’re feeling sad, anxious, angry, or scared, acknowledge it–at least to yourself.

Also, pay attention to the way those emotions can affect your choices. When you’re feeling anxious you may be less inclined to take risks. When you’re excited you may be more impulsive.

Increasing your awareness of your emotions can decrease the chances that you’ll make irrational decisions based on emotions only.

2. Establish healthy ways to deal with uncomfortable emotions.

Naming your emotions is only part of the battle–you also need skills to regulate your emotions. Think about your current coping skills.

Do you eat when you’re nervous? Do you drink to calm down? Do you vent to your friends when you’re angry? Do you stay home when you’re anxious?  Those common strategies may make you feel better in the moment but they will make you feel worse over the long-term.

Look for coping skills that are good for you over the long-term (ones that will help regulate your emotions now without wreaking havoc on your health, relationships, or tasks in the long-term). Keep in mind that what works for one person won’t necessarily work for you so you need to find what helps you deal with your emotions best.

Experiment with various coping skills to find out what works for you; deep breathing, exercising, meditating, reading, coloring, and spending time in nature are just a few of the strategies that could help.

3. Identify and replace unhealthy thought patterns.

The way you think affects how you feel and how you behave. Thinking things like, “I can’t stand this,” or “I’m such an idiot,” robs you of mental strength.

Pay attention to your thoughts. You’ll likely notice common themes and patterns. Perhaps you talk yourself out of doing things that feel scary. Or maybe you convince yourself that you have no control over your life.

Respond to unproductive and irrational thoughts with something more helpful. So instead of saying, “I’m going to mess this up,” remind yourself, “This is my chance to shine and I’m going to do my best.” Changing those conversations you have with yourself can be the most instrumental thing you could do to change your life.

4. Take positive action.

The best way to train your brain to think differently is by changing your behavior. Do hard things–and keep doing them even when you think you can’t. You’ll prove to yourself that you’re stronger than you think.

Establish healthy daily habits as well. Practice gratitude, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and eat a healthy diet so your brain and your body can be at their best.

Seek out people who inspire you to be your best. And create an environment that supports your efforts to build a healthy lifestyle.

5. Give up the bad habits that rob you of mental muscle.

All the good habits in the world won’t be effective if you’re performing them right alongside your unhealthy habits. It’s like eating donuts while you’re running on a treadmill.

Pay attention to your bad habits that rob you of mental strength (we all have them). Whether you feel sorry for yourself or you resent other people’s success, it only takes one or two to keep you stuck in life.

Once you become aware of your bad habits, devote energy into replacing them with healthier alternatives. Then, you’ll be able to step out of the hamster wheel and actually move forward toward your goals.

Become Your Strongest Self

Just like it takes time and practice to become physically strong, building mental strength takes dedication as well. But building mental muscle is the key to feeling your best and reaching your greatest potential.

Commit to practicing mental strength exercises every day and make 2019 your best year ever.

Athlete therapy Confidence Self-improvement By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

Building a strong foundation with mental reps

We continually under train the mind and over train the body. W/out the understanding of why the 🧠 does what it does we are definitely not going to maximize our performance. #dothework #simplebutnoteasy #intentionalattention #livestrong.

4 Ways to Build Mental Strength to Help You Go The Distance

1) Mantra

A mantra, or repeated phrase, can help you sustain your pace, calm your breathing and keep you moving forward faster. Whether you mentally chant “Be bold! Be brave!” to the rhythm of your footfalls until you finish a race, or grunt out “Got this!” over and over to make it through a lift that’s been dogging you, a mantra can help you keep you on track.

stronger mind stronger body

2) Meditate

Meditation helps athletes focus before a competition and tough workouts. The deep breathing associated with meditation pays dividends when it comes to building endurance and oxygenating your brain. Meditation can also create a strong mind/body connection that can boost recovery and make you aware of physical changes, like injuries, you might be ignoring.

3) Visualize

Good athletes often use visualization to help them succeed. This differs from meditation, as visualization is active concentration. Athletes use visualization before events to “see” themselves executing the movements they need to do. Visualization exercises can help you anticipate how you might feel throughout a performance or workout. You can develop a mental game-plan that includes how you will redirect any negative emotions you feel when you approach “Heartbreak Hill” or a fellow tri-athlete swims over you in choppy water. If you can visualize yourself drowning negativity and executing winning form from beginning to end, your confidence and capability will soar.

4) Positivity

Associating with positive people will make you powerful. While it’s true that it’s you who has to get yourself to the finish line, negative energy and nay-sayers can sap your mental energy before you get to the start line. Seek out others who “get it.” Elite athletes aren’t going it alone. They have coaches and teams of people to support them. Being receptive to positive energy will help you grab hold of the good vibes offered by the cheering bystander on the corner in a way that feeds your ability to go the distance.

Thanks healthworks!!

Anxiety Athlete therapy Children Therapy Confidence Livestrong • • By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

What Is Resiliency and How Do We Help Our Kids Build It?

Sports develop resilience through the difficult moments, so as parents we need to sit back and allow for them to struggle at times. How we help them handle it is where resilience is grown.

This article shares some ideas on what we can say and teach in order to help them is the process…

Resilience is the quality of recovering quickly from failure and setback, and not only returning to whatever level you have already achieved, but actually using the adversity as an opportunity to grow your inherent strength even further. Think of resilience as the callus that forms on the skin AFTER repeated friction or pressure is placed upon it. In order for that toughness to grow harder and stronger it literally NEEDS to experience “distress”.

I see and read a lot of well-intentioned quotes regarding the virtue of sports and how participation brings about great mental fortitude in the athlete, as if participation alone is the key factor. While I am huge supporter of youth athletics resilience is not built by simply participating.

Resilience is developed by not only going through the difficult scenario, but through understanding how to process it in a healthy and effective way, and then implementing the “bounce back” skills that these struggles require. Essentially, HOW we frame and meet the challenge is what creates the habit. So, unfortunately, if we meet the struggle in an ineffective or unhealthy way we create that mental pattern of thought, it becomes more ingrained, and ultimately will work against us developing healthy resiliency.

In a way developing this mental resiliency skill is similar to development of solid technical/physical skills. If your fundamentals are solid then you’ll successfully complete the movement needed to perform the skill, and you can build greater and more complex skills upon them. As the old saying goes, “practice doesn’t make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect”. I’m not suggesting that we’ll be perfect at this – not by any stretch actually. What I am saying is that we can (and typically do) ingrain poor mental habits if the system we’re using isn’t truly built on a strong foundation.

So how do we build that strong foundation?

First and foremost everything that I teach, whether to youth or up to pro athletes is that we must help the athlete develop greater level of awareness and attention. By becoming aware of what we are giving our attention to we can start to become attuned to whether it is healthy or unhealthy for us.

For example, if we have a poor performance we start giving our attention to only the mistakes or critical comments made by others we may begin to tell ourselves a pretty negative story about our potential future. However, with that same negative performance we can give our attention to not only wanting to improve the negative moments, but we can also give some time to the positive (there always are some). Additionally, we can teach our young athletes to accept that today was indeed a bad day, but that we’ve had some of them before, and we’ve survived so we can survive this as well. Essentially, by just training to be aware of our attention we can intentionally decide more clearly and rationally what else that we can also take away and focus upon from the performance.

Here’s a list of things that we can teach our kids to proactively work towards during the good and difficult times that come with being an athlete. Remember that each of these begin with the foundation of learning to pay attention on purpose (The DoSo app is a great tool for mastering this skill, but there are others as well). Awareness of where we place our thoughts is a skill that will serve them over their entire lifetime.

Help them with the following:

• Developing an internal locus of control: remind them that they are in control of how they RESPOND to everything that comes their way in life

• Developing a good sense of self-efficacy: believing that they can make a difference in the direction of their life and sport

• Developing self-awareness and emotion regulation/management: understanding and managing your own emotions by staying present and not getting caught up past mistakes (can’t change them), or future potential setbacks (can’t predict them)

• Developing optimism and hope: engaging in the “risk” (we don’t know the outcome) of performance of our sport and looking forward to the challenges it brings

• Developing gratitude and appreciation: creating appreciation of the opportunity to simply participate/compete through the practice of gratitude by acknowledging it on a regular basis

• Developing a flexible and adaptable attitude: keeping their thinking from becoming rigid or inflexible. We are neither always good nor always bad. Difficult and successful times come and go. The ability to see the bigger picture.

So, from your role as parent, your greatest responsibility in helping develop resiliency in your child is influencing the foundation for “responding” after setback or failure has occurred. Framing setbacks as an essential part of the progression towards growth, learning, and success is a must. Our job is not to prevent the failures and setbacks (remember they are essential in the process), but to help them more effectively navigate the inevitable moments when they do happen.

  • Source: Stu Singer: is a performance psychologist and soccer parent.
Confidence Individual Treatment Livestrong Livestrong Self-improvement Therapy By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

13 Things Strong-Willed People Won’t Do

Strong-willed people get a bad rap. They can be seen as stubborn, dominant, unreasonable or headstrong.

But are they, really?Dealing with a strong-willed spouse or child can be quite challenging. Our marriage is more unique in that we have not one, but two strong-willed individuals (how’d that happen?!). And odds are high we will end up with strong-willed children to boot.

If you fail to understand your strong-willed spouse or child, it can easily lead to power struggles, conflict and misunderstanding of character.

Our society often views being “strong-willed” as a negative personality trait that must be managed or overcome.

But what if the very thing you see as a weakness is actually a God-given strength?

In her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, Amy Morin highlights the healthy habits of those with a strong mind. But what about those with a strong will? What are the healthy habits that make the strong-willed strong? What strengths do they have to offer in a marriage or family that generally get overlooked?

Here are 13 things strong-willed people won’tdo that contribute to their overall success, courage and resilience in life.

1. They won’t bend to the pressure of others.Strong-willed people are highly autonomous so they won’t give in easily to the demands of others. If they don’t want to, you can’t make them. It’s as simple as that. Their devotion to personal sovereignty gives them the ability to maintain strong boundaries and resist peer pressure.

2. They won’t give up easily. Failure is not an option for the strong-willed. Hardship only makes them stronger. They are survivors. They will persevere through even the most difficult of circumstances.

3. They won’t betray their values. Strong-willed people hold fiercely to their personal views and beliefs. Their convictions serve as their navigation system in life and they are unlikely to compromise what’s important. Strong-willed individuals will stand up for what they believe regardless of opposition.

4. They won’t accept opinion as truth. Strong-willed people are cautious and skeptical when it comes to the opinions of others. Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true. They want proof. They may expect you to explain your position and give reasons for your argument before they are willing to do it or see it your way. This provides them with the liberty to evaluate an idea and keeps them from blindly accepting inaccurate information.

5. They won’t allow their schedule to be dictated by others. Strong-willed people are fiercely independent and want to manage themselves. A self-starter, they are usually good at setting goals, accomplishing tasks and determining their own schedule and use of time.

6. They won’t back down from a challenge.Give them a problem and they will rise to the occasion. Strong-willed people see challenges as an opportunity for growth. They are creative thinkers and will find a way to fix or resolve the issue even if it’s the last thing they do.

7. They won’t be defined by their circumstances. Strong-willed people see themselves as masters of their own fate. They take life by the reins instead of allowing their circumstances to dictate their destiny. They don’t allow negative experiences to defeat them. Instead, they learn from their pain and difficulty so they can keep moving forward.

8. They won’t give in to fear. Strong-willed people may feel anxious but they don’t let their feelings control their actions.They feel the fear and do it anyway. In an emergency, they are quick to rush in, take charge and respond to those in need.

9. They won’t shy away from responsibility or leadership. Strong-willed people are action-oriented and possess a strong desire to lead. They automatically want to know who’s in charge. Poor leadership or a lack of competency is like fingernails on a chalkboard to the strong-willed. When faced with a leadership vacuum, the strong-willed person will step in and take over in order to provide direction, vision and management.

10. They won’t abandon their dreams. Strong-willed people often have a firm sense of purpose. They dream big dreams and then figure out how to make them come true. Tell them they won’t achieve their dream and they will do it just to prove you wrong. Strong-willed people live passionately and succeed in what they set out to accomplish.

11. They won’t resist change. Strong-willed people understand that change is a natural part of life. Since change is inevitable, they prefer to get out in front of it. They adapt to their situation in order to control how it affects and changes them.

12. They won’t worry about what others think of them. Many strong-willed people don’t care about pleasing others. They don’t allow the opinions, thoughts or judgment of others to determine their sense of identity and self-worth. They remain true to themselves, regardless of what others may think.

13. They won’t stay silent. Strong-willed people often share their views and opinions. They have a powerful desire to be heard and understood. They are usually very honest and forthcoming, especially when they disagree. This provides them with the ability to speak out against injustice and and on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves.

When these habits are practiced in a mature way, a strong-willed person can be a great asset to any team, marriage or family!

  • They are steadfast.
  • They are determined.
  • They are loyal.
  • They are perceptive.
  • They are independent.
  • They are problem-solvers.
  • They are resilient.
  • They are courageous.
  • They are leaders.
  • They are dreamers.
  • They are adaptable.
  • They are confident.
  • They are honest.

Appreciating the strengths of your strong-willed spouse or child will go a long way toward building a healthier relationship!

Confidence Individual Treatment • By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

Put yourself on the first place

Individual treatment is often termed as psychotherapy, and is meant to help people with their emotional issues, which can range in order of their severity or intensity. The main aim of this form of therapy is to change the quality of life by defining the path of life clearly, and bringing in more clarity. Whether it is the problem of repressed childhood that you are facing, or an emotional breakdown due to divorce, failure or loss of a loved one, a professional psychologist can help you revive your mental health through systematic counselling.

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Confidence • By Dr. Jones 0 Comments

Spend more time with your children and improve their confidence

In today’s competitive world, sleep is more of a luxury than a necessity. Sleep is important for the well being, both emotionally and physically for an individual. Insufficient sleep or no sleep has long lasting health and psychological disorders. If you have been experiencing insomnia, it may be due to a number of factors, including stress, anxiety or depression. In order to address your sleep problem, it is best to consult an experienced psychologist who can help you change your behaviour, manage feelings and emotions that may interfere with your sleep.

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3 Habits to Embrace That Teach Your Kids How to Think (Not What to Think)

I have these moments. I used to freeze when they happened. One of my children would say something and I would realize that …

Awaken and become your strongest self

New Year’s resolutions aren’t particularly effective–in fact, most people give them up by mid-January. …

Building a strong foundation with mental reps

We continually under train the mind and over train the body. W/out the understanding of why the 🧠 does what it does we …